happyends | ooc; appointments post.

[ She does know about the powers, does remember. She's just not bringing them up yet since the rest of the experiment is more important to her, and then there's the fact she doesn't even find it that strange - there's plenty of people with powers here, there's magical girls back in her world, so for him to have powers not everyone does.. it's not that strange.

Instead, she does look like she's at the point where she's almost wibbling though, especially when he pats her like that. ]

.. You.. don't feel sad about it at all..? [ She's completely ignoring the food too. ]

[He hums a bit at her question.]

I think I'm sad that it's not real. That wasn't a bad life, it was very good and I would have liked to keep spending my days like that, peacefully with my little sister whom I adore and my friends in the village.

[He smiles again at her.]

But I don't think that my real life is bad either. Things may not be as peaceful as they were back there, but it's still a good life. So I don't mind to return to it, besides my real life is much bigger than just what happens here, so it's better this way. I would lose many things if things had stayed like they were in that other life... But returning to my real life doesn't make me lose anything.

Well, I suppose I'm losing a little sister, but I still have a good friend. No one is seriously hurt either. Everything is fine.

[ For a few good moments she stares at them. And although her expression doesn't ease up a whole lot, she does slowly start to nod while trying to swallow down the feeling. ]

I.. guess you're right, Yoh-san. We should probably just view it that way, right? Then.. nobody is hurt, and everything is fine..

.. Hmm, that's a good thing.

I'm not saying that's how we should view it, it's just how I view it. How do you view it, Madoka?

[ Don't ask her for her own opinion!! She's perfectly fine with going along with his', you know the way her self esteem problems are, so she just pretends to laugh a little, but it just ends up awkward. ]

I view it the same..! I-in fact, I think it does really sound like the best for everyone like this, so I'm glad..

[Well, that makes any smile he had go away.]

I've to say, though, maybe it's not the best for everyone after all. I remember you having more courage than this during the experiment. If you really viewed it the same way you would have said "Yes, I think the same" when I said it, but you said "I guess you're right", so you didn't think the same.

If you're going to lie you should try to make it less obvious for the people who listen to you and don't just glance over you.

...

[ The change makes her stiffen up for a moment, unsure where to glance - she can hardly even look him in the eyes, so in the end she ends up directing her gaze towards the ground instead. ]

S-.. sorry, Yoh-san, I didn't mean it like that..

I know you didn't. But I'm still not hearing what you really think.

Ah, it's just.. [ for a moment she's quiet - she idly plays with one end of her ponytails for a moment before finally finding the words to answer. ]

.. I think it feels.. a little strange. Even though it's something that wasn't there before, it feels like we're losing something, and.. it isn't a very good feeling. It's a little scary..

... No, it's not a good feeling. And I can see how it's scary, how they play with our memories and feelings, rewriting our whole lives. It makes one wonder what else do they do or even if what we think as of real is indeed the reality and not just another continuous and bigger experiment. But thinking that serves for nothing good.

[So it's better to not dwell on it too much, that's what they would like, so they become broken and apathetic.]

On the other hand, though... The part about losing something is debatable. We can only lose the things we let go of, if you want to keep something even if it wasn't yours before, there's no reason why you should give it up.

B-but.. It's only inevitable to let go of this, right? I mean.. no matter what, Yoh-san and I aren't family, that much is something that can't be changed.. after all, I have my own family waiting for me back home.

[That makes Yoh pause and fall silent for a moment, he looks away from Madoka, concentrating again in what his hands are doing. It's a long silence before he smiles once more.]

I also have my own family waiting for me back home. I also have friends waiting for me, but that doesn't mean I can't have friends here, right? After all, it's not anything new... You know, after the second World War there were many orphans left around, many stayed that way but some were lucky. They gathered together with other orphans or even with adults or elders who had lost their families as well, and together they formed new families.

I've heard that after what happened in Germany, many people were simply unable to even find out if their families were alive or not, children without parents, parents without children... And some of them came together as families even if they hadn't even seen each other before. So... For someone to be your family or not, it's not "inevitable" or something that can't be changed, actually it's a very simple thing and it just depends on you. And just because you already have a family it doesn't mean you can't have another one...

[He pauses before he laughs.]

Actually you probably will end with another family. Or at least it's what someone would expect once they grow older and get married and have children.

[ She tries to laugh at the last joke, but.. it just comes out awkwardly, really, since she's trying to think about the rest to it to herself quietly. ]

.. Do you really think it's that easy, Yoh-san..?

There's nothing easy or difficult in life. How easy or difficult something is depends of each person. For me learning about the world's history and mathematics and such is very difficult, but for my friend Manta it's really easy... Even something simple like smiling can be difficult or easy depending on the person.

It all depends on what you truly want.

W-well, I want.. to be useful. And I want the people around me to be happy, those are the two things I really want..

[ ... ] As long as I can have those things, then it's fine.

[He frowns a bit.]

Madoka, there's no such a thing as a useless person. You're already useful even if you don't know how yourself. And I know you already make people around you happy, so you already have those things you want the most.

You really think I already have them? .. But.. I often can't really see how I'm a useful person at all.. That's the problem, isn't it?

It's a problem for you, that's true. Because you keep failing to see your worth and think less of yourself... And that hurts those around you who can see how bright you shine despite that.

[A pause after that, it was a low blow but... There was no other way, he's not going to lie to her.]

Maybe you should just stop worrying so much about it, I know from experience that it complicates things unnecessarily.

... Sorry. [ She's immediately quiet after it - yes, it was a low blow, but she generally doesn't really know what to do when he gets like that, it's not like she can say anything in return other than just quietly agreeing like this.. ]

I-.. I'll stop worrying. I won't worry about what happened anymore..

[He sighs and shakes his head to himself. Then he smiles a bit again and raises a hand to pet her head slightly.]

It's okay, I know it's not like you do it on purpose, it's just the way you are. But it's annoying at times, to see someone as special as you hurt herself so much.

But, you know, just agreeing with me at the moment isn't going to do any good either.

[Specially when she's not going to change anyway and just will keep everything to herself, swallowing it down so no one is bothered.]

I.. it's just..

[ .. it's just.. what? She isn't even sure, she doesn't even know how to change her habit when it's such a deeply rooted belief. ]

I'm not sure if I can talk about it right now like this, Yoh-san.. everything's still too confusing after.. well, after the past few days..

It's okay. Someday you will be able to talk about it, so there's no hurry.

[He smiles easily with a calm nod, letting the issue rest for the time being once more.]

Anyway, being hungry and confused doesn't sound good, so how about we eat?

[Breakfast has been ready for a while already after all.]

Y.. yes. [ she nods, glad for the distraction. ] Breakfast sounds good right now..

ooc; appointments post.

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